Like Sands Through the Hourglass...

I mentioned in my last blog post that 33 had always been my "scary" birthday. It's always sort of loomed out there for me. Not really sure why. Perhaps it's because I remember my parents at that age. I have no recollection of either of them turning 30, but I distinctly remember when they were 33. It was 1987 and I was 11. And (I thought) they were grown ups.

And now I'm apparently a grown up as well. At least I suppose that's what people think! Although most of the time I don't feel that way. I do, in fact, still feel 25...most of the time. (thanks to George Strait for that sentiment!)

But if I could go back and actually be a twentysomething again I wouldn't. Sure, there were some good moments...

• I'd love to be back at FHU in the dorm with my friends for a couple of days, prank calling the PKA guys, skipping class and sitting out in the commons, and having Tea Society meetings at Dawn's. Maybe one more Spring Break trip to Florida with the girls and of course I'd love the chance to be in Makin' Music one more time around.
• I'd probably take another week of backpacking through Europe with Kelly, fearlessly exploring country after country, going to see U2 and REM in concert again, and maybe having a large hazelnut gelato on the Duomo steps.
• I'd love to have a couple of days in the apartment in Henderson on Gailbraith Street where I lived with Vickie, Nicole, Mandy, Julie and Bethany. (only Vickie and I were there the entire time, the rest rotated). It was in this apartment, right after college graduation when I coined the (now famous in some circles) phrase "These are the worst times of our lives," which must be said very dramatically with your hand placed to your forehead just so.
• I'd like a couple of days in the house in Nashville on Linden Street with Katherine and all of our crazy neighbors, grabbing endless cups of coffee at Fido and flirting shamelessly with the musicians who worked there.
• I might take a couple of days back at Shiloh as a ranger. That job was such a dream come true for me and my weird Civil-War-buff-since-4th-grade-self. There's nothing quite like firing a Civil War musket...
• I wouldn't mind a couple of days in Mobile to visit with everyone at the Chamber and enjoy a long lunch out on the deck at Ed's. And maybe a long weekend at Gulf Shores and, of course, a Mardi Gras parade.

But looking back, I wouldn't want to actually permanently be back in any of those times or places. I loved those years. I'm so blessed to have had the experiences and the friendships that grew along the way. And all of those combined experiences have made me who I am today, and brought me to where I am today.

If you've caught on that this blog post is meant to convince me to embrace 33 rather than dread it, you're right! So happy birthday to me. My wise friend Dawn tells me that the 40's are better than the 30's which were better than the 20's. She hasn't steered me wrong yet, so I'm going to believe her. And if the best is yet to come, there must be some great times ahead! And that thought alone makes turning another year older worth it.

Song of the day is Seasons of Love from Rent. Love it. 525,600 minutes--that's all the time I get to be 33, so I'd better enjoy it!

32 Flavors

My birthday is right around the corner. Which wouldn't normally be a big, blogworthy deal.

However, this one has always been my "scary" birthday. Not quite sure why. I did okay turning 30. No panic. But the thought of 33 has always scared me. I googled it and found out I'm not alone with the whole 33 fear! Which made me feel a little better. I always like to have other people validate my neurosis.

So I decided to make a few lists. (If you know me, this is no surprise because I make lists all the time...)

My list for today is sort of a take off on what I've seen going around Facebook lately. So here are 32 random facts about me, one for each year I've lived!

THESE ARE MY CONFESSIONS...

1. I miss playing sports. I wish I were still on a softball, volleyball or basketball team.

2. I once hitched a ride in Italy with a guy on a Vespa.

3. Cooking helps me relax. Weird, I know. But I can spend hours in my kitchen, trying new recipes. Someday I hope to have a huge, state-of-the art kitchen.

4. When I started writing Love is a Battlefield, I didn't think it would ever really get published. When I saw the book cover for the first time last week, I screamed. Loudly.

5. Sometimes I still check under my bed for monsters.

6. I talk to my dogs like they are people. Sometimes we argue.

7. Once in the jungle, in the Darien region of Panama, while on a medical mission trip, I scrubbed little kids heads to get rid of their lice. It was a hard job, and we made up songs as we worked. We sang "You've got lice, babe" and "Lice, lice, baby". That was when I learned that sometimes humor is the only way to get through certain situations.

8. I often pray while I'm driving. So if you ever pass me in my car and it seems like I'm talking to myself, I'm really talking to God.

9. I'm confused as to how I was able to fearlessly jump off of a mountain in Switzerland with just a plastic parachute strapped to me, yet flying in a plane scares me every time.

10. I am a control freak and a perfectionist. Sometimes I have to make myself just let things go.

11. I was a cheerleader in high school and I can still wear my uniform from my senior year. Guess what my favorite Halloween costume is?

12. I am such a procrastinator that I wrote my speech for high school graduation while I sat on the football field in my cap and gown, waiting on my name to be called.

13. I have three recurring dreams: My teeth crumble in my mouth. I get to the airport to go to Europe, only to find out that my passport has expired. It is the day of a big event (one that I've planned in the past) and I get to the event only to find out that I've not started planning it yet.

14. Sometimes I think I belong in a different era. Maybe the 50's.

15. I love politics and have considered running for office someday. Not anything major, but perhaps local government.

16. I love SEC football. Any match up, but especially the big rivalry games. Saturdays in the fall, you will find me watching football.

17. I love to fish. I can even bait my own hook. But I don't ever keep any of the fish I catch because I can't bear to eat something I've looked in the eye.

18. I don't really have any big regrets. All the choices I've made in my life have brought me to where I am now. And I think I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. So if I had it to do over, I wouldn't make any major changes.

19. I'm thankful I lived in Mobile. Not only did I gain a lot of experience that has helped my career, but I also met some great friends.

20. I love libraries and can spend hours in them.

21. I think letter-writing is a lost art. If I could find a man who would write me hand-written letters, I think I'd marry him.

22. When I was 11, I had a crush on Kirk Cameron.

23. When I was 17, I had a crush on Billy Ray Cyrus. In fact, I was in the VH1 special One on One with Billy Ray that year. Oh yes, I am a star!

24. Today, I have a little crush on Tim Tebow, despite the fact that he was born in 1987 and I remember 1987.

25. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. And I don't have a poker face. So people usually know how I feel about things. Sometimes this can be a problem.

26. I love the fleur-de-lis. It is the symbol of the city of Florence, Italy, and the summer I lived there, I fell in love with the design.

27. I think Anne Taintor is hilarious.

28. I also love StoryPeople. Sometimes I find one that seems like it was written just for me.

29. I hate it when people make fun of other people for things they can't help.

30. I tend to be really tenderhearted, and I think this will come as a surprise to many. Among many other things, I get teary-eyed at the end of reality shows, commercials about shelter dogs, and every time I hear pomp and circumstance.

31. I love my job. I think what we do is important. In fact, if I were in the Miss America pageant, my platform would be organ donation. But, alas, I am too old to be Miss America.

32. I think I've finally stopped running from who I am. I'm embracing my quirks, my nerdiness, my introversion and my interests. I don't even try to pretend anymore. Finally, finally, at nearly 33, I'm comfortable in my own skin.

Fittingly, the Song of the Day is 32 Flavors. This version is by Alana Davis.

All New and Fresh and Shiny...

Welcome to 2009!

The beginning of a new year is always daunting to me. So many things I want to do, so many things I want to reflect on. . . where to start?

First:

2008 was a good year because...

job i love
book contract
old friends
new friends
new city
and the list could go on

But rather than bore you with a highlight reel of my 2008 I will instead tell you what I hope for 2009.

Some are sort of resolution-like, others are just plans.

1. Finish book #1 (okay, this is sort of unfair since it is almost finished and is due on Monday--but it will feel good to check it off the list)

2. Finish books #2 and #3 (whew! I am finding that writing is an emotional experience. Never really realized that until recently. So this means I am likely to be an emotional basket case for much of 2009...haha!)

3. I have a HUGE list of books I want to read. I have a confession. I've never read Jane Austen. Not a single page of anything she wrote. So at the top of my list, once I've turned in my book on Monday, is to read Jane Austen.

4. I'm going to get serious about becoming a homeowner. Yep. It's about that time. I'm nearly a grown-up, after all.

5. I want to run in 2 5Ks this year. I completed one in 2008--so I'd like to double that in 2009.

6. I want to have less stuff in 2009. I'm due for a big old yard sale. And then...the stuff that goes away won't be replaced. This includes shoes, jeans and dresses. I seem to have a problem with those 3 items. I buy them in bulk.

7. Travel. It has been eons since I've been on vacation. So 2009 is the year of the trip. Plane, train, or automobile--I don't care. Have baggage, will travel.

8. In 2009, I will get out of my comfort zone a little more. Try some new things. Meet some new people. Really, I will.

9. I will cook more. Hopefully while wearing vintage aprons (which are what I want for my upcoming birthday). And when I cook, I will invite other people over to enjoy it. (see #8)

10. Finally, but also most importantly, I will be a better student of God's word in 2009. My faith needs sharpening and there is no better time to start than today.

Okay, there are some of mine. How about you? Anything in particular you hope to do in 2009?

And because I simply couldn't resist, the song of the day is a beautiful version of Auld Lang Syne.

Happy New Year!

This Christmas...

All I want for Christmas is...

1. Words. The right ones. Both for my manuscript and my everyday life.

2. Peace. On earth, in my life, etc. Just that general Peaceful Easy Feeling that I hear so much about.

3. Contentment. This is somewhat elusive in my world. Just when I'm content, something happens to make me discontent. :) I just might have a special gift for making things harder than they need to be.

4. And along those lines...Simplicity. Although on second thought, maybe not so much. I say I want things simple, but seem to thrive best on Complicated.

5. My family. Games, food, laughter. Funny how now that I'm "all grown up" Christmas with my family becomes less about gifts and more about time.

6. My friends. Oh how blessed I am. I stood in the kitchen tonight and gazed at my fridge, which is adorned with Christmas photo cards from them. I'm a lucky girl for sure.

7. Time. It goes too fast for my liking. I went to bed and it was January and now all of the sudden, we're nearing the end of December. What happened? I look back and am astounded at how quickly the year went. Note to self: Live in the moment.

8. Boldness. I need a little bit of bold for Christmas this year. No more doormat. But not so assertive as to make me brazen or harsh.

9. Spontaneity. I need some of this too. Just a tad. To keep me out of a rut.

10. Organization. This should be on everyones Christmas list this year. I think with a little more organization, I'd get more of #7. Which would give me more #5, #6, and #9.

Okay, that's about it. You think Santa can come through for me?

The song of the day is Mistletoe by Colbie Caillat.

Fearless

Life is scary.

Seriously. Crazy things happen to people. Cars crash. An unexpected diagnosis changes lives forever. People go postal and innocent bystanders get caught in the crossfire.

I know. I sound a little paranoid, huh?

But I've been thinking lately about taking risks. As those of you who are familiar with me and my blogs know, I am not a fan of change. And I've had a lot of that lately. New city, new house, new job, new friends, new church, and the list goes on and on and on.

Sometimes it is hard to take a chance on the unknown, isn't it? Whether it is moving to a new city, going on a date with someone new, or just finding the courage to finish that book...it is always scary. At least it is for me.

Once I spoke in chapel during Homecoming week at my alma mater. One of the pieces of wisdom I imparted to the college students in the audience was "I'd rather regret something I did, than something I didn't do." I think sometimes I need to remind myself of this concept. (and notice the quote at the bottom of this blog--apparently Mark Twain and I see eye to eye!)

So this week, I promise to get out of my comfort zone a little bit. Take some risks. Finish writing some chapters even though sometimes the very fact that someone will actually read them next October freaks me out a little!

The song of the day/week/month (depending on how long it takes me to blog again!) is Fearless by Taylor Swift.

And for your amusement (and because LOVE quotes) here are a couple that I thought were applicable:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.--Mark Twain

The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything. --Theodore Roosevelt

To Err is Human...

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." Lewis B. Smedes

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Mahatma Gandhi

So the big theme of the book I'm working on is turning out to be forgiveness. And I have to say, that was a bit of a surprise! I knew all along forgiveness was key, but didn't realize how pivotal it was really going to be.

Forgive. Seems like such an innocent little word, doesn't it? But it is a hard concept. At least for me. In the writing of some particular scenes, I had a horrible realization. I've been holding on to a lot of bitterness. Even a little anger. Let's just say it was quite cathartic to allow my heroine to let go of hers. In a way, I think I sort of learned to let go of mine.

I did have some help though. I happened to hear a fantastic sermon on forgiveness. Have you ever felt like the preacher was talking to you? Like he might as well just come stand right in front of you, point and say "This sermon was written especially for you, so listen." Well that was the uncomfortable position I found myself in a couple Sundays ago. The scripture was Ephisians 4:31--"let go of all bitterness, rage and anger." He asked us why, if God could keep forgiving us for all of the dumb stuff we do--why do we have such a hard time forgiving each other? Good point, huh?

So there you have it. Much easier said than done, I know.

The song of the day is "The Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley--because as he so profoundly implies, forgiveness is really the heart of the matter. I like this song so much that I've included some of my favorite lyrics:

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger; it'll eat you up inside, baby

Celebration!

Talk about overwhelming!

I attended the ACFW Conference in Minnesota last week—it was fantastic!

The speakers were wonderful, I met tons of authors, and really learned a lot.

The highlight was Friday after lunch. The editors from Barbour got up in front of the crowd to hand out contracts to 3 prospective authors in the audience. And believe it or not, I was one of the three!

Have you ever been in a moment that you just knew was life changing? That is what it was like for me. It almost felt like an out of body experience to walk up to the podium and accept the letter of intent from Becky Germany—they want to buy my three book series. Wow. Words seriously don’t describe the feeling.

I remember going back to my seat and noticing that I was shaking. I leaned over and said “I need to go call my mom.” And I remember the knowing glances of the people I passed on my way out of the room. They all knew I couldn’t contain myself. I proceeded to call practically everyone I knew.

I’m not sure if my feet are on the ground, even now. When will it feel real? Once I have a real deadline? Once I know for sure what the release dates will be? Or will it not feel real until I hold my book in my hand and see it on the shelf at (hopefully) Wal-Mart? Actually I’m a library kind of girl, so knowing people can actually go and check my book out might be the thing that ends up the “coolest part”. Haha.

However you look at it, I am excited. And overwhelmed. And ever so blessed.

The icing on the cake to my weekend was the awards banquet Saturday night. I actually won the Contemporary Romance category in the Genesis contest. Again, wow! I was so certain I wouldn’t win, I didn’t even prepare a speech. So I had to give my thanks “off the cuff” and felt like I could barely form words. I remember looking at Camy on the stage and saying “I don’t have anything to say” but somehow I managed to step to the microphone and speak.

I distinctly remember saying “Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me to follow such a big dream.” And I mean that sincerely. For me, publication has been a big dream. And it took me a long time to begin sharing that dream with people. But you know, no one ever laughed. No one ever told me that was a good idea, but not to get my hopes up. Everyone I’ve shared it with seemed to think that it was a normal dream to follow, and many of them shared with me their complete confidence in me that it would someday happen.

And now it will.

Song of the day: Beautiful Day by U2.

Below are pictures from the awards banquet! Enjoy!



With Christine Lynxwiler


Posing with my new EDITOR, Rebecca Germany


With one of my favorite authors, Rachel Hauck


Christine Lynxwiler, Susan May Warren, me, Susan Downs, and Rachel Hauck


Just me, feet not on ground! haha!